Censor Yourself. Please.

Facebook was cool when it came out.  Mainly because it was only for college people.

Now everyone and their mother is on it and this whole equal opportunity makes me hate it a little bit more every day.  Gone are the days where I can just leave snarky comments at people - because now my mother - and people who know my mother - can see them.

I get yelled at for swearing on Facebook by old family members, so now I try hard not to.  Should I have to?  No.  Could I just block them?  Sure.  But that'll make family get togethers awkkkkkkward.

And let's not forget the 1000 lines in my newsfeed filled with all that woe is me, my life sucks BS.

You don't like being pregnant?  You're upset that everyone appears to have glamorous pregnancies but you can't fit in your clothes and you feel like crap?  Well next time, grab a condom.

Everyone constantly screwing you over, making your life miserable so when you aren't working you're drinking?  Get new friends.  Stop hanging out with those idiots.  Move.  Get a hobby that doesn't come with a $10k punch in the wallet when you get pulled over.

Also - I hate to tell you this - but your 8 week old baby isn't going to learn anything at an overpriced music class - outside of how to sleep through loud noises.

Here's a newsflash - I don't care how wonderful your boyfriend or husband is, and that you have to post it 5-10x a day.  Why?  Because I used to participate in that ridiculousness, and it's just a rouse to cover up that you agree with everyone - your relationship sucks.  I promise - the more you keep announcing to the world that your man is just the best man ever - there's a 99% chance he's just a gigantic douche bag.

I don't care that you're getting married for the umpteenth time.  Try something new - like staying married.

You don't have to post weather reports every day either.  I have an app for that.  I also know how to look outside my window.

You also don't have to cheer for 10+ inches of snow.  WHO CHEERS FOR 10+ INCHES OF SNOW?  Unless you're Frosty the Snowman - NO ONE CHEERS FOR 10+ INCHES OF SNOW.

NO ONE.

Could we be done with the daily selfies?  Three reasons:

1. I know what you look like.  No really - I do.  Because I see it every day.  If I were to go blind tomorrow, I would be able to remember every selfie you ever took until I die because the repetitiveness is burned into my brain.
2. Unless you turn your phone around and hope you're aiming right to take it - you look like an alien because your phones flip the image - and it's not helping you look any better.  
3. If you're going to keep posting pictures with your head posted at a weird angle because you think that some how, it makes your face look better, you better be walking through life like that or else it is just false advertising.

I hate your religious picture posts.  I hate your "make it a happy day" posts.  If I needed those sorts of pick me ups I'd go get me a "Precious Moments" desk calendar.  

I also hate your activist posts.  I think gay marriage is awesome and helping fight autism is great - but I'm not going to smother you with it.  

And if you don't want to vaccinate your kid - keep it to yourself.  Polio, measles, mumps, rubella - all of these things have been kept at bay by vaccines and in 20+ years, I don't want to see you bitch that your kid has one of these things because you're convinced that vaccines will kill you.  If we stop vaccinating against these diseases they are going to come back with a vengeance.  We didn't reach a population of 316 million people by avoiding vaccines.  We reached it by creating them, and then using them.  I fully acknowledge that there have been some bad reactions to them - but not enough to eliminate them.  

If I block any more 'friends' in my newsfeed, I'm going to no longer have a news feed.

The only reason I keep Facebook at this point is because I like seeing pictures of the cute kids my family and friends keep producing.  But even all that cuteness might not be enough to subdue the daily suppression I have to find to keep myself from calling 98% of the people in my network an idiot.

Learn to censor yourself, people.  Seriously.  It will only help you in the end.